imagine.

This is weird, I am for the first time, feeling blank when I type a post... I dunno, just got that aura of 'sian-ness' around me now. Well perhaps because of the announcement of the team today, or because of the really early dinner I had, or maybe just because I am really tired from marking David as centreman. Mm yes the team was announced today and it really upset a lot of people (well. maybe it did affect me a little...)

Out of the 6 secondary 3s: me, marcus, weishen, yinrong, kaiyu and andrew; only marcus made it into the team. I kind of prepared myself for that moment when my name won't be read out, 2 weeks before it I think, but it really still struck me hard in my heart though. I know I am not really expected to get in, given my size and my speed, which only began to pick up a little just 1 week ago when I learnt from Andrew and Danfer some techniques. But still, yea it does hurt. But we still went on with training and I tried to take it in my stride, but apparently some of my friends can't, or simply just refuse. Suddenly all of us are split into 'team players' and 'non-team players'. I asked myself: is this a team? I don't know about the others, but for me, my aim in this CCA is not entirely just for points, or for the team. Does everything just fall apart; all the training you had in the 2 years, just disappear like that? No. It doesn't. If you are really not good enough to get into the team, well i will just have to accept it (and the others as well) and train hard for the next year's competition and hopefully we can win. Yes this was the first stage of psychoing myself.

The second: and apparently the colder, harder fact. Next year, the team will probably be comprised of marcus, weishen (if his mother doesn't force him to quit), yinrong, benjamin, andrew, me and kaiyu. Yes that forms one complete team of 7. But we have no subs at all. Completely no subs, unless you consider the secondary 3s next time, which are quite CMI. I really really have lost my direction, we don't exactly stand a good chance of winning next year. I am disappointed and down not because I didn't get on the team, but because my batch-mates are just not pulling together, the attitude and spirit they show is. is just completely disappointing. I must say i am empty now, i dunno what to do, cept for homeworking. Just played an hour of counterstrike... argh i am sian-ned. really.

8:00 PM