imagine.

I can't take it anymore. It seems like I have no where else to really pour out what I feel except here.

Well, this is it. The end of the water polo season 2008. And we have gotten 4th place. Did we train hard enough? Yea, I believe we did. And I am sorry for not giving in the best I could have. I'm sorry for not going for those extra sessions to build my skills up and so, I am sorry to my team mates who trained much harder than me.

It's heart wrenching, it really is. No one else will understand this; yes, no one else but us. The other CCAs will laugh at us and say that we are useless, that we are all say and no do. But I know. All the 15 of us know it. To the next person who is going to laugh at us, I am not going to snap back at him. I'm not going to tell him, 'try playing yourself' because that is not valid at all.

When you become a loser, you lose everything. You lose your right to shout back at a person who laughs at you, you lose your happiness, you lose your confidence. But I will fight back the next time round. And I am going to start from tomorrow onwards.

I have learnt many lessons in this season. I know now, that a sport is not about building up your muscles and showing them off, which most senseless people think. I know now, that a sport is not just blind fighting, but fighting with your mind and soul. I know now, the value of every single second you spend training and bonding with your teammates. And I know now, what it truly means to fail.

No one will understand this; no one.

That's why I'm feeling pretty much messed up now.

8:15 PM