imagine.

it's been a rocky few weeks, well, emotionally, at least. i don't know how to say it; everything just keeps coming at me wave after wave. i swallow it down, still, but I really don't want to come to a point where i can't take it anymore. when i say everything, i really mean every aspect of my life. sheesh. and the most damaging one... gah.

maybe it's why i like doing work, or playing, or skating. these things take such matters off my mind and make me feel better. that window of comfort these activities create for me feels great. rjc life has not been too cosy, but i guess it's because orientation's still not here yet. i decided to take a short walk in the secondary sch side today, and i felt like i was at home. the very spot beside the clock tower where i used to sit alone, listen to songs and stare into the morning sky. i felt peaceful when i was there last time. well, much better than going to the rjc canteen bleary-eyed to see the whole social scene there. people competing to see how many friends they have, shouting and stuff. maybe.. that was the very reason why my brother used to spend his time doing pull-ups in the morning instead of heading over to rjc immediately, when i was smaller. perhaps i'm just like him, someone who wants to be spared all the politics amongst friends and all.

i'm a floater i think. i don't really have a particular clique of friends which i stick to; the closest one being my polo friends, but they come late all the time hahaha. and.. there are even smaller cliques within our team; and i used to be the person connecting them together. what does it mean to be a floater? i don't know. i think a lot more about things that cross my eyes i guess, since i don't really have anyone to talk to. and that can be a good or bad thing.

it was the pri sch class gathering for my class yesterday and it was really funny seeing everyone again. we all looked different; our hair, our facial features, our height (darn.), our weight and all. but really, i don't think anyone's really changed on the inside. ryan is still the crazy perverted little boy like he was, daniel is still the boy who seems to be always super high, andrew is still the quiet person he was, and so on. it's shocking how years can fly by so quickly. well, the next 2 years will be the same.

oh well. the best cure for all of these headaches was, still and always will be: sleep. you simply forget everything and black out. but what if running away doesn't work anymore? frankly, i don't really know. so i'll just hope that work can start soon.

12:22 PM